Educated Mothers

Every child can and should appreciate the value of their mother. Let me tell you a little story about my mother.

As some of you know that I am from Freetown, Sierra Leone. My mother is the not educated when it comes to going to high school, college and beyond, but one thing I can tell you is that my mother is educated in other ways that makes me appreciate her more than ever. She went to tie dying school, she self taught herself how to weave clothing. Here is what weaving is:

This was just some of the things that my mother educated herself so that she can pay for my tuition well I mean for my sister and I. From my mother I was able to learn that "mothers are the strongest role models for children's education." Because of all her hard work and wanting me to receive a higher education than she did here I am at Brigham Young University-Idaho about to finish my undergraduate degree in Psychology with an emphasis in Health Psychology. 
I am so grateful for all she does for me and the excitement she shows continuously in my education.  I love her for that and appreciate her. I am now married to a wonderful women. The smartest person I know, the most beautiful person on the face of the planet. I know that for sure one day she will be a wonderful mother and will want our children to receive all the education they can. Here is a picture of my lovely, adorable, intelligent wife.

 

Before we both decided to become eternal companions she knew what my thoughts where about education. She knows that this wont be easy but she is determined to finish her bachelors degree in something that she knows is worth studying and something that will be beneficial to our future family. I just want to stand by this word, that a women doesnt need to go to school to receive the best education. If they are willing to learn new things they can learn it as long as they put they mind to it and give it there all.

It's about Communication

I do not have much experience about this topic but I will do my best to share some information due to research that I have read and one that I feel help.

When we all get married we are blissfully in love and thrilled to be on our honeymoon.
Here is a short story about couple: "Within the first nine months of our marriage, Gina and I were both convinced that we not only married the wrong person, but also were condemned to a loveless marriage. One very tangible side effect of our difficulties was poor communication. I would ask, "What's for dinner?" She would hear, "I can't believe you haven't prepared dinner again tonight!"
She would say, "What time are you coming home?" I would hear, "You better get here and help me because you're never here.""We could not express anything we wanted to. We resorted to hurting each other with our words. We did not build each other up … we tore each other down and caused deep, emotional pain. Quite honestly, we had endured so much hurt that we could not see any hope for ever communicating well. Our despair was overwhelming"

1. The Principle of First Response: The course of a conflict is not determined by the person who initiates, but by the person who responds.
You may feel it's okay to strike at someone verbally because, "He is picking a fight with me." You may be correct, but that person does not have the power to decide whether a fight actually occurs. That power rests with the responder. As Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Jesus has a well-worn track record with the Principle of First Response. Recall the times that the Scribes and the Pharisees came to question Him. They were the initiators in nearly all of their communication. Their intention was to defraud Jesus and corner Him. In how many cases were they successful? None. They failed because the power to decide the direction of each conflict rested with Jesus, the responder (Luke 20:19-26).

2. The Principle of Physical Touch: It is difficult to sin against someone while you are tenderly touching him or her.
A difficult time to apply this principle is after an argument has begun. However, a perfect time is when you know you are about to sit down and have a discussion about something that might lead to tension.


3. The Principle of Proper Timing: The success of a conversation can be maximized if the timing of the conversation is carefully chosen.
The book of Proverbs tells us, "A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!" (15:23).

4. The Principle of Mirroring: Understanding can be enhanced if we measure it often throughout a conversation.

The Scriptures inform us that, if we are to understand and become wise, we must be sure to incline our ears. Proverbs 22:17 states, "Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise, and apply your mind to my knowledge." Have you ever meant one thing by what you said but the person you were talking to heard something else? It can make for very frustrating communication. If you're not sure if your spouse is getting what you're talking about, check to see if you hear this phrase a lot: "What do you mean by that?" Mirroring can help you test whether you are hearing your spouse properly. Once your spouse makes a point … repeat it to him or her. Say something like this: "So, what I hear you saying is …" or, "Are you saying … ?" Then, in your own words, tell your spouse what you understand to have been said. Then, the most important part of mirroring comes. You must allow your spouse to either affirm or correct what you've said. The point of mirroring is not to be right, not to defend yourself, but to know that you are hearing accurately. If you seek to understand rather than to make yourself understood, then you are primed for success with the principle of mirroring.

5. The Principle of Prayer: Success in communication is more likely when we invite God to be an active participant and guide.
This principle is not complicated, but it requires our close attention. We've become so accustomed to hearing about prayer that its importance often passes us by. Here is what late 19th and early 20th century evangelist R.A. Torrey said on prayer:

The reason why many fail in battle is because they wait until the hour of battle. The reason why others succeed is because they have gained their victory on their knees long before the battle came ... Anticipate your battles; fight them on your knees before temptation comes, and you will always have victory.

Start praying together. Pray regularly as a couple. Pray for each other in your individual prayer. The more your together and the more your pray for each other is what will make praying in the midst of communication breakdown more probable.

Your relationship with your spouse may differ from ours, but this much is true: Your spouse should be the single most important person you have in your life. Like it or not, communication is the tool that God has given us to knit our hearts and our minds together. Success is possible if we're willing to apply some intentional principles. We've all been called to God-honoring communication. Step forward in humility and faith and watch Him transform you.

Family Crisis

What is a Family Crisis?
Family crisis are life events, present and past, that have produced change in the functional state of family members.
In this post I will focus mainly on how to defuse a family crisis within our homes.
-Active listening
Active listening is perhaps the most important technique for defusing a crisis. For many families in crisis, active listening may be all that is needed to restore family functioning. Active listening with families may involve:
-- Encouraging the expression of feelings;
-- Reflecting feelings expressed by the family;
-- Normalizing the family's reactions;
-- Conveying acceptance of the family, but not of destructive behaviors;
-- Focusing on the "here and now";
-Modeling a sense of humor and fun
Some families need to be able to relax and take themselves and their situations less seriously. Showing a sense of humor about one's own mistakes lets families know that no one is perfect and that laughter is sometimes the best medicine. Many families in crisis can benefit by setting aside time for fun or social activities.

These two to me are very important to solving and bring the family back. We never want these situations to last long, we want them to be as short as possible so that they don't take a huge toll on the family. 

This week its all about the "S" word "SEX"

I love this scripture and these verses. I just want to start out with this:

"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency” (1 Cor 7:2-5). 

With that being said, I hope that we understand how marriage is something that is very important. Let us turn our attention to sex and gender differences.

Gender and Physiology 

Men and women are different. These differences are something that we debate on occasionally, when it comes to sex, they are real and very clear. However, this is something that many couples fail to reflect on and integrate into an understanding of how to be successful partners. 

Arousal patterns

As men we are quick to be aroused and also quick to achieve orgasm. The "spike" rises sharply and drops off just as sharply. Research has found that "men are especially aroused visually". Women are aroused more slowly and after achieving orgasm, they tend to remain at a high plateau of arousal before dropping off.

As you have read above these are very different physiological patterns. NO wonder why it is very challenging for couples to really experience mutual satisfaction. We cannot and must not ignore these; instead we must and should incorporate them into our lovemaking process. The simplest way to do this is, regardless of who initiates the foreplay, is for men to focus on pleasuring their wives, bringing them to an initial orgasm before focus is given to bringing the male to orgasm. 

If you don't mind me, I would like to share some of my views on this matter. Being raised as a Latter-Day Saint is a wonderful thing, as we are taught that sexual intimacy is very sacred and it's between a man and a woman legally and lawfully married. In some LDS homes this topic is not allowed. I will say no. This is a topic that should be spoken about at home. Why, you may ask? Because if your kids learn it somewhere else, they won't feel comfortable talking to you about it since you never talked to them about it. I get that we all want to be that parent who their child loves. But this is one of the most important things to gain that and build great communication patterns with them. The "S" word is not supposed to be a taboo in LDS homes.

Parents need to know that “It is not just a talk about sexuality; it’s a conversation about our God-given feelings and our aspirations of what we can become as families.” —Lee Gibbons. Whatever your hesitations or fears are, it is vital that you discuss sexual intimacy with your children on an ongoing basis. Children and teenagers are regularly bombarded with damaging ideas about sex, and you have the opportunity to help them create a positive, gospel-driven understanding of sexual intimacy.

So my invitation is for parents to teach their children about the "S" word at home instead of them hearing it from an outside source. You want to be a good parent, then become your child's best friend.