Transition into Married Life

For this entry, I will focus on Newly Married couples. The reason for this is because I am new to this whole married thing and I know that as I share this it will help me see some of my faults and changes that I might need to make now than later in life. 

The top three things researchers have found that newly married couple face during their first five years of marriage are, "...time, sex, and money." The first five years can be exhilarating as couples experience new “firsts” together – their first Christmas as a married couple, first dinner party for the in-laws, even their first joint tax return. At the same time, the early years require some radical personal adjustment, which is stressful on the relationship. According to Kreider (2005) "Most divorces occur during the first five years of marriage, the highest happening during year three." Now you and I may wonder, WHY? 

Couples who entered enthusiastically – but blindly – into marriage soon see their spouse’s shadow side when there’s no longer a need to keep up a good front. They realize that they married a person who doesn’t share the remote, likes to chatter in the morning or, much worse, doesn’t share their values. They assume that marriage won’t change that and they divorce quickly. 

Other people become prey to the stress that early marriage brings. Hanging in there and learning the art of negotiating can resolve many of these issues, but it takes maturity and patience. Help is available if the couple has the wisdom and humility to seek it. The most important thing to remember is that most of the early stressful adjustments in marriage are normal. Beyond leaving the cap off the toothpaste or the toilet seat up or down, what are the important issues that need to be negotiated?

 

This resources I am citing here comes from the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University (2000).

Time

Newly married couples have to keep up with their spouse’s schedule in addition to their own. Add in jobs, education, time for new in-laws and private time together, and it may seem like you’re a hamster running around the wheel of life. Then, when the first child arrives, you realize that life will never be the same. Most newlyweds struggle to balance family and work. Since work pays the bills, it’s tempting to consider it the top priority.

Sex

Sex should be the easy and fun part. After all, you’re married! Why would this cause stress? Despite the conventional wisdom that your sexual relationship should be comfortable and exciting, especially during the early years of marriage, many couples reported problems around the frequency and quality of sexual relations. Developing a gratifying sexual relationship depends on having the time and energy to tend to it. 

Money

Most newlyweds are at the beginning of their earning curve. They are also learning to understand and blend their individual attitudes toward money. All of this can be stressful. In addition, many couples bring debt into the marriage, and some couples accumulate too much debt.

 

Marriage is fun and all but it takes work. If you are someone who gives up easily on things, then getting married is going to be tough for you. You will have disagreements, misunderstanding and mix-messages, one thing you need to know is that they are happening only to strengthen your marriage for the future. We all need to make sure that we are doing the right thing and these little issues that we face during the first five years of marriage are preparing us for the future. Man up and work it out, give it your all and love each other no matter what your differences might be. Always remember why and how you fall in love with them in the first place.